🌧April Showers Bring May Flowers 💐(Mental Health Awareness Month)

So, April for me was a rough month. Well not completely rough, but brought the need for transformation. Stoooorrryyyy timmmeeee!!! (kinda lol)

In December 2015, I got married (ha, yes, me... married.. crazy right?) Here come all the “what happened?” questions which I will address in another blog. Anywho, where was I? Okay.. right... marriage. So long story short, it ended about 4 months later in April the following year, resulting in him walking away from the marriage, and thank God he did.

Fast forward to this April, unbeknownst to me (at first) I felt a yearning for companionship. Genuine friendship/companionship. Right? But all while craving companionship feeling completely empty emotionally. At times I didn’t know if I was coming or going. It was as if my mind and body were at war. I had just launched my blog and felt zero motivation to write. I felt the direction I started out with, wasn’t a total depiction of who I really am or what I planned to share. Yes I love to travel, yes I do it daily, yes I have tips to share... but that’s not all of me. I loss sight of what my journey truly means to me, and fell into old patterns of people pleasing.

April brought up old triggers, of dependency, discord, and lack of self-love/care. When I say April 2016 was HARD, I mean HARD yall. Like, talk about abandonment lol. (I know this is all over the place but bear with me) So I moved to another city to be with said ‘husband’ right? When he decided to dip, he basically chunked the deuce and said, “you got two weeks to figure out where you’re gonna go”. Yes.... you read that right. Now... you don’t know the backstory behind it all, so pass not judgment (we are ALL on a journey).

I’m saying all that to get to the point of people pleasing. I didn't want to move away from all I knew, I didn't want to have a wedding away from my family and friends and I sure as heck didn't want to be left on the curb to figure out what I was going to do and where I was going to go. Shoot, I didn't want to get married in the first place, but with the influence of others, I found myself walking down the aisle with a stranger, crying at the altar (it's kinda funny to think about it now lol). I have lived my entire life trying to meet the expectations of others. Not focusing on MY personal wants and needs; allowing and creating a lot of unnecessary pain along the way. In an effort to be everything I possibly can for others, I end up neglecting the most important person in my life; myself. Then when things start to crumble and the Universe comes knocking at my door, like "hey when are you gonna get it together?" Ha! *cue the dramatic sad music from Instagram story filter* Like what kind of bull**** is that right? As if someone else’s happiness is more important than my own. OR! Because I don’t want to deal with my own trauma, get lost in someone else’s. I’m sure at some point (particularly my sistas) have done the same right? It’s like in our nature to fix, nurture and cultivate things. But we often do this, neglecting ourselves in the process. And while this is definitely an all women thing, I see it more often with Black Women. Particularly when it comes to our Black Men.

If I had a dollar for the number of times I put someone else first, (I’d take my ass to Red Lobster), or the times I’ve gone with the flow or agreed on something that I knew wasn’t right or that I didn’t want just for the sake of saving someone else’s feelings. Or times I committed to doing something for someone when I knew I didn’t have the energy or the time for it but broke my back to do it anyway. Then every time I get slapped in the face with the reality that people are going to do what’s best for them, and I don’t do that most of the time (blame the Libra in me). Well, that shit doesn’t work. You absolutely cannot fix something, or be of assistance to someone if you yourself are not complete. Also, its not fair to even put the pressure on loved ones to be responsible for your feelings and emotions. It's not their journey, it's yours! Especially if you're dealing with past trauma.

It’s always taboo to speak on self-love and mental health in the Black Community. We can thank our generational trauma for that, and the trauma we continue to experience daily. So as a Black Woman I understand the importance to heal self in order to be of service to my community and mankind in general.

Mental Health is taking care of self. Period. That being said, this is what I plan to incorporate in my daily routine for the next 31 days in efforts to put myself first (with the goal of making them a permanent habit and breaking old ones). Maybe you'll find a habit or two that you’ll be interested in adding to your morning routine as well! So without further ado...

Morning Meditation

The benefits of meditation are endless. I used to meditate daily when I was really into my yoga practice, but life happened and I drifted away from being one with myself and so focused on travel and work and all that. I’ve come to realize this has left me feeling like a splatter of paint on a canvas with my emotions. It’s affected me at work and with personal relationships. I meditated this morning and even though there was a lot of mind chatter, it felt great to finally allow myself to sit still for a moment and be grateful for my many blessings.

Journal

One way to release built-up tension is to write it out. I often prefer to talk it out, but sometimes what ends up happening is I tell the same story over and over again looking for comfort in others. When the goal is to accept and release what I'm going through. Journaling also helped get all of my thoughts out so I could actually enjoy reading without getting distracted. (Small win, but a win nonetheless).

Stretch

Oy vay, my hips have been so flipping tight lately. From the wise words of Shakira, "hips don't lie". Everything that goes on in our mind and spirit shows and reflects in and outside of the body. Whenever we're stressed, we typically experience tension in the shoulders, maybe headaches, acne, etc. Well, our emotions are typically held in our root chakra or our core (hips). This is also where a lot of past emotional trauma is held. I have found that when I practice yoga or at least stretch on a daily basis, I am more in tune with my emotions, I handle stress better, and when I do experience anxiety I am able to breathe through it easier. Getting back in my hot yoga class today left me feeling so grounded. That in and of itself was a great start to my May.

Allowing Myself (and others) to Feel

During my yoga practice today, our teacher shared a quote with us that really resonated with me to process the feelings I've been experiencing during the month of April.

"everyone wants to know

how to get through grief

how to heal their hurt

or how to move past this, that, and the next thing

but here's what they're missing

there's no moving past something

without moving towards it

you prevent yourself from being in it;

let yourself be in it."

I left with my intention set on allowing myself to feel the emotions I feel, and express them when necessary. I tend to hide behind my feelings and take the approach of isolating myself especially when things get really tough (thank you Aquarius moon). While personal time (which I know all so well being an only child) is necessary, not denying myself of what I'm experiencing will help me to digest and heal from them when necessary. Run to the hurt to heal, not away.

Learning to Say ‘No’ (when necessary)

When I go too far in one direction of giving up too much of my own needs, I lose my balance, resulting in the feeling of being taken advantage of. I then can become irritable and snarky when dealing with loved ones. So while I seek the balance between my needs and those of others, I will make sure I don't feel guilty when I need to decline a request, or even when I just don't have the energy to be as present for someone else. My needs come first.

Hope your May is filled with flowers 💐of clarity😌, self-care🥰, love❤️, and peace✌🏾.

🙏🏽